That tiny voice of self-doubt

Self-doubt is the most deadliest weapon against all your decisions, no matter the decision is big or not. Objections from family and friends who loves you and fear for you increases that self-doubt. Not that they doubt you but most of the time is because they fear that if you fail the consequences is too big for you to take.

Ever heard of that tiny little voice in the back of your head that keeps telling you things like 'you can't do it' or 'you will fail and regret'? That is the voice from your self-doubt.

Sometimes by believing in that voice, whether conciously or not leds to your own failure in starting or completing some things. Therefore it is sometimes wiser not to listen to that voice, or better mold that voice to ur benefit...have the voice say 'what else should I do after completing this?' or 'I will prove to all that I can do it and they will drop their jaws to the ground...'

Never doubt yourself! Or it makes it right for others to doubt you!

音乐的感觉

音乐可以带给人快乐或是悲伤的感觉。

每当不开心的时候就听一些轻快的音乐让自己的心情好起来。不开心的时候听开心的歌，那什么时候听悲伤的歌呢？
想哭的时候，想感到悲伤时，想找灵感来写时。。。

但我发现音乐也可以让人有很多其他的感觉，也可以让人有作一些事情的冲动。
愤怒，自信，动力与爱恨是几个比较明显的。

所以我有时候需要一些动力与自信时，我会听一些让我有这种感觉的歌。
好像五月天的《疯狂世界》和《倔强》， 当然还有一些其他的歌。

音乐是可以疗伤的哦！

死了都要爱

死了都要爱
by: SHIN


死了都要爱 不淋漓尽致不痛快 感情多深只有这样才足够表白
死了都要爱 不哭到微笑不痛快 宇宙毁灭心还在

把每天当成是末日来相爱 一分一秒都美到泪水掉下来
不理会别人是看好或看坏 只要你勇敢跟我来 爱
不用刻意安排 凭感觉去亲吻相拥就会很愉快 享受现在
别一开怀就怕受伤害 许多奇迹我们相信才会存在

死了都要爱 不淋漓尽致不痛快 感情多深只有这样才足够表白
死了都要爱 不哭到微笑不痛快 宇宙毁灭心还在

穷途末路都要爱 不极度浪漫不痛快 发会雪白 土会掩埋
思念不腐坏 到绝路都要爱 不天荒地老不痛快
不怕热爱变火海 爱到沸腾才精采

This is the song that keeps repeating in my brain these pass few days therefore in the end I play it in my MP3 player.

I think it is the talk that I have with Gus and the beginning of my relationship with him that trigger the repeating of this song in my brain...no mentioning another song "世界末日" by the same group of band.

He loves to plan. I love to go naturally. There are many things that I'm not sure I can get along with him....but then I do have lots of feelings for him now and I can't leave him. I thought abt alot of things and finally came into a very big conclusion for me. That no matter what he wants and does not want, I'll just give him what I want to give. This conclusion came in due to the fact tat I want to stay with him and for me living now is more impt that living the future. Not onli that, I believed in putting all the efforts into nurturing a relationship. Some people told me to just treat this relationship as 'something that will pass' or to just 'put in 50% of ur feelings' but I just can't do that. For me, it is either love or not love...and if I treat it as 'something that will pass' it will pass and never bloom into something more.

I always thinks that you have to believe that it will work out very well if you want something to happen that way.

Therefore, I'll put in all my best to nurture this relationship no matter wat. If...if in the end, it does not work out at all...I'll be hurt/sad..but still know that I've done my best and not have this thought of 'if I put in more effort...it will work out...it is my fault that we did not last'.

Resolutions for the New year, 2005

Like a wind, the time travels by. And now is the time to make some promises to myself of the things I wanna accomplish in the timeframe of this year.

I'm 25 already. Not too old and yet not young in the prime of my life, 'Quarter of a Century' as quoted from my BF's words. Not sure if I get to live a century or not, if I live till 75, this yr will make the 1/3 of my lifespan. For my friend, it is already half of her lifespan as she does not want to live till she is old and fragile. So, it does not make much time we have in this surface of the earth right. Not mentioning the possibilities of sudden death, especially when just recently more than a million people lost their life to the forces of mother nature. Many of them not pass their prime.

Okie...enough rubbish...if I continues like this, I'm not sure if I can finish writing before 12midnight and if I can even get to the resolution part. So here goes...

1. I will loss at least 5kg this year and maintain it thru the year.

2. I will try very very hard not to flare up against Jennifer. (Very tough)

3. I will keep my rm tidy always. (Is tidying it now...may takes a few days as I have very slow snail-like progress)

4. I will fulfill all the promises I've made. (did not buy the remote control that I promised papa I'll get it last year, will go find it and get it soon.)

5. I will continue all the good habits that I've learnt in the past and stick to them. Never lie, never judge, never take for-granted, never believe rumors or judgements until personally verified etcs. Of course, must never lie to myself and believe in me.

6. I will perform my job well and with more passion, no matter if I like them or not because it is my responsibility. (Very much lacking of passion for my work now..again....sigh)

7. I will keep in contact with all friends and family more often. Making more efforts to keep all of them with me.

8. Since I'm buying my roller blades in a few days times, I will work hard and be very good at it.

9. Like last year, I will also go diving at least once.

10. I will try to be a better person than I was last year.

k, I think that is all of them that I can think of now. So hopefully by the end of this yr, I will fulfill all of the above.
hmm...better write them down in my organiser...

Reflections of 2004

What have I accomplished last year?

I've managed to shed some weight and prevent them from coming back, thou still not enough.

I've learnt a new excercise...Yoga, which is good for me. Thought of learning Akido, take back archery and learn some other out door activities but in the end learn Yoga.

I've been trying to keep my temper in check, which I think has been goin very well except that I still tends to flare up when talking to Jennifer (younger sister). She always irritates me...don't know Y.

I've tried and very much managed to try not to be fustrated when things don't go my way and people don't react as I want.Kind of managed to take things as it is and not putting too much hope in anything thus making it very hard to digest when it did not happen.

I've stop buying too much comics which I tends to do when I'm younger. Gd for me, hehe as although I do love comics...it took quite an amt of money to buy them.

I've complete my wish of goin diving at least once a yr this yr, by diving in Pulau Redang. Saw alot of nudibranchs...lots of lots of them...non I saw in Auz....and sheets and sheets of staghorn corals. Not mentioning the many different varities of worms with brillant colors.

Most importantly, I found and is with someone that is worthly my love last year. Overcoming the fear of me having no ways to love someone, overcoming the fear that there is no Lasting love to try to defeat that believe now. I've made a very big and important decision in my life, I've decided to share and learn with someone. Spent the last few hrs of 2004 with him and the first few hrs of 2005 with him... and I really felt very blessed...not only to live to 2005 with also is with someone I love that is also worth my love.

K, enough for 2004 reflections...time to make resolutions of this yr!